I talked about healing.
Last time I talked about letting go from the grip of an old story with which we were defining ourselves. But I said that firstly, we need to heal.
But what does that mean? Healing. Because it’s not a throw-away remark.
Healing from our pain means having to revisit it in order to understand it. To understand our behaviour at the time of the incident, or period of time and what was the driving force for it.
Invariably all of our behaviours are driven by an ingrained desire to get a need met. A need for love, or for security and attachment, usually. When we’re young at least – which is when most of our behavioural traits develop.
And if we have pain in our lives now that shows itself in our relationships with others and in our relationship with ourselves, know that it stems from an earlier behaviour that was there to serve us at one time. To help us to meet a need (or to protect ourselves in the absence of that need being met).
We are no longer being served
But if a perpetuating behaviour is causing us pain today, it means that it’s no longer serving us. So perhaps it’s time to let it go. That means that we need to unpick the scenario that led to the behaviour developing, and in unpicking it to understand it, know that there is no blame to be made…the circumstances were the circumstances. They just were. We can’t change the ‘what was’…but we can understand it.
If we understand it – other’s motivations, other’s pressures, other’s pulls (irrespective of whether they are ‘excusable’ or not) – and understand that we were acting out of innate survival tactics. Innate survival tactics to have our basic need or needs met – and that we are not to blame for that either.
We are not wrong. We were never wrong. We were simply reacting to a situation in the only way in which we knew how. At the time.
But we no longer have to react in that same way. We get to choose, actually.
It is when we understand these elements – and we invariably need a guide to help us, compassionately, to show us the way through our tricky, uncomfortable past – we can go a long way to starting to forgive. To forgive our young selves first and foremost, to forgive those who were charged with our care, to forgive those who were hopefully trying their best in the circumstances in which they found themselves.
Forgiveness is powerful. It frees you. It gives us back our control of what we wish to do.
Forgiving someone (and absolutely equally importantly, ourselves) allows us to make different choices, because we are no longer beholden to the energetic ties of ‘someone doing something to us, and that’s why…’. It enables us to let go of the old story…as just a story, and not as an ongoing defining reason.
No one is suggesting that healing from past pain – from old pain – or that changing behaviour is a quick and easy, straight road to success.
But the intention to change something that we recognise is no longer working for us, is tremendously shifting. It is with ongoing awareness that we will be able to continue to grow beyond the previously limiting conditions, to carry on our journey more liberated and with more lightness.
With the decision to explore, understand, feel and ultimately release the old story, we’ve already empowered ourselves – and then we can learn how to create a new one.
We’ve empowered ourselves with awareness and we’ve empowered ourselves with the desire to create a change, and to tell a different story of our lives.
We’ve all got this stuff – painful stuff, I mean.
Being brave and being courageous is the way we find it in ourselves to revisit some of the pain…to delve back underneath the carpet, from where we swept it. It’s not necessarily easy, but it is essential. If we want to liberate ourselves to grow and to wholly shine as our fully expressed being.
We all have the scope to move through those old pain points, to express the emotions that pertain to those memories and to release them back to where they belong. In the past (and no longer in the present where we so often keep hold of them).
It’s called stepping up into our fullest, greatest self. It’s imperative for us all right now and it’s imperative for us to be able to teach the next generations. To teach them by example so that they can start off by telling a more empowering story of their lives…