Growing out of our inhibitions
As we become older, we can develop one of two ways…
Either, we can become more set in our ways, more entrenched in the same patterns what we’ve always been steered by, treading the paths more firmly that we’ve always trodden (and, invariably we become a little more stiff and usually a little more grumpy too!).
Or, we can learn to grow out of and overcome the inhibitions that keep us fixed & we can learn to play more…
We can learn to fully become ourselves…to fully express the light inside of us. To be light, and airy and ultimately free from patterns that once may have held us back.
Sometimes we make one decision for ourselves, and it changes the course of our life.
Take George McFly in Back to the Future, when he summons up the strength to biff Biff; or Forrest Gump when he decides to go back into the rainforest and save all of his men.
You know – there’s a moment, there’s a decision (and it usually comes from somewhere deep inside) that we make, and it changes our trajectory.
(And it usually aligns us with realising our greatest potential.)
We don’t know what we don’t know
Beyond the clinic, I seem to have a second calling as a tour guide! I experience a huge delight showing friends around because of the utter joy of revealing all that is yet unknown to them… It’s the sweet experience of watching something completely new and unexpected unfold in front of their eyes.
Revealing something that you know intimately, and unveiling it to others, and then stepping back, allowing and observing them to form their own relationship with all that’s so familiar to you…
It’s a little like watching a child try something for the first time, or learn something new with their all-absorbing eyes-wide-open. Or within the clinic, it’s like teaching someone how they can change something in their body, or move differently in their running.
It can open up a whole new world…
With fresh, unadulterated penny-dropping moments. (Funny how ‘unadulterated’ means taking the adult out of things…!)
We don’t know what we don’t know. None of us! Be it experiences, or concepts and new ideas, or even different possibilities how to move in our body.
And although there aren’t too many unexplored tourist spots anymore… Each of us still has our own territory that remains hidden and veiled to us.
Until we’re open to the possibilities that we don’t know what we don’t know, and until we ready ourselves to try something new, with fresh eyes and a child-like perspective…
Steeped in love
Any behaviour that is not steeped in love, is transparent.
That’s to say, that everyone can see right through it.
Self-deprecating one-liners. Avoidance behaviour, and escapism into distraction. (Sometimes leading to addiction.)
Being dismissive. Belittling, bullying behaviour.
It’s clear as daylight that these behaviours are a cover-up.
They’re a cover-up for old hurts, and difficult emotions. Shame, pain, anger, fear…
They’re always a cover-up for these challenging old experiences.
And it’s also clear that these behaviours are not steeped in love, because where love prevails, these behaviours cannot.
And when we meet these behaviours, it makes us feel uncomfortable…because on a deep, intuitive level, we recognise that there is a misalignment within the person.
Because the true nature for all of us, is love.
It’s only when you’ve experienced your darkest moments, that you can pitchfork yourself towards a higher realisation.
This is called the contrast.
Experiencing the contrast – knowing, powerfully, what you don’t want – is the only way to creating what you do want, equally as powerfully.
We’re all experiencing some sort of contrast all of the time… what differentiates those who can mobilise and therefore realise their deepest yearnings is the ability to focus on what you do want, rather than succumbing to the alluring depths and endless perpetuation of despair of focusing on all that you don’t want.
Focus is a practice, in fact…and takes practise.
But knowing that, and reminding oneself that the contrast is there for a reason, is a very effective way to ensure that darkness no longer has any power, gravitas, or meaning in our lives. It is simply an experience from which to move forward…
It’s ok to have outgrown someone.
Saying an amicable, peaceful, loving goodbye to someone with whom you were once in synch, but are no longer, is a nice way to part – even if it’s a silent goodbye.
Offer no malice, as your paths, which were once aligned in so many ways, start to diverge.
It doesn’t make them wrong. It doesn’t make you right. You flowed along a similar tide for a while, and now the seas take you in different directions. That’s ok – that’s often what’s supposed to happen.
Be thankful that you had the opportunity to know each other for that part of the journey; think about how much you learnt from one another…
Each of you will continue to grow – maybe at different rates, maybe with different interests.
End it with harmony if it needs a formal ending. Confused, unintended maleficence is not necessary and nor will it stand either of you in good stead.
Even if there are difficult emotions to process in the final days, it’s possible to find a loving, generous way to externalise the feelings, and release them from your being.
No moral high horse needed…accepting what is and what was, and knowing that your coming together and then your drifting apart is an essential part of both of your learnings.
Being grateful and philosophical feels so much better than the alternatives.