It’s ok to start over. It’s ok to move on…
It’s ok to say, this phase is over, and I’m going to shift into something different.
It really is ok to give ourselves permission to change something (and not be hung up over it for aeons!)!
And it’s especially ok to change tack when the impulse arises from within…when you feel it, don’t suppress it, and then respond to the call.
In fact, that’s when responding to it is not just ok, it’s imperative…
The fear of being seen
What keeps you hidden?
How much does being scared hold you back?
What aspects of yourself do you suppress so that no one else can see them? (Or so that we hope that no-one else can see.)
Old stuff, family stuff, shame-inducing stuff… we’ve all got it.
Yet it serves no purpose, other than to keep us shackled to it.
Yet it’s stuff that informs our behaviour now…
That keeps us piling layer upon layer upon layer of ‘other stuff’ on top of it.
Or that keeps us endlessly distracting ourselves from it…in order to keep it ‘out of the way’.
The hidden stuff that we fear others will see in us keeps us restricted within its power. It’s dark, hidden power.
It prevents us from actualising our greatest potential… because we’re spending so much time, so much energy in keeping ‘it’ at bay, and out of sight, that we’re not free to put that energy into something truly purposeful. Something bigger than the smallness that ‘it’ keeps us held within.
What other behaviour does a fear of being truly seen drive in you? And how can we be rid of these things we fear being seen…?
By bringing them out into the open. By being honest and brave, and exposing them.
We have to bring them out in the open. It doesn’t mean we have to share the dark stuff with everyone that we meet, but selectively, we have to choose to actively take them out of the dark, hidden places where they lurk…where we’ve chosen to keep them, and choose to share them with those that we trust.
And no one else can do that for us.
Bringing our deepest fears and worries into the open, so that they’re seen, and so that we can explore them, and talk about them, and fully accept them as a part of ourselves.
And then transcend the stories that our old fears have perpetuated in our lives.
In that way, they can no longer have any power. And in that way, they can no longer hold us in self-sabotaging behaviours.
Only in that way, can we truly, fully let them go.
For then we no longer have to play lip service to them, or succumb to their dark, fear-inducing power.
Only in that way we will be free from them, and able to realise our most full, wildly expressive version of ourselves…
Delivering with intent
When we understand the driver behind our interactions – the energetic exchange, & our own powerful potential (to meet a need, but be free from the chains of expectations and ‘needing’ it to be met…), then we can deliver with intent.
Delivering with intent and being purposeful about our actions. What do we want out of this experience, this interaction, this episode…? Not manipulatively, or deceptively, not sneakily or with cunning, simply, what’s my purpose in this, and for this? What are my boundaries & what am I prepared to accept…?
With clarity, deliberateness and a soupcon of poise, interactions become more straightforward, experiences more fulfilling, and generally from this place of purposefulness, this is where the magic occurs…
I do love a spot of Forrest Gump! I know it’s old now, and that Hanks was a whipper-snapper, but it’s also absolutely timeless…
His utter presence in every single situation enables him to act with complete and honest, unhindered conviction with everything that he undertakes. It may be a story, but its simplicity is starkly beautiful.
Imagine if we were all to act with such unhindered conviction, and all-consuming belief in ourselves and just ‘do it’ – whatever it may be – and do it with our undistracted attention, what a massive amount of collective good we could all achieve.
If we were to by-pass our crises of confidence, arrest the inner-critic, and on longer allow ourselves to be defined by our past ‘failures’, we’d give up making excuses, playing the blame game and we’d simply do, and be.
To our highest capabilities. Together, in collaboration. Powerfully. Life-changingly….
The stories that we tell
We all have a story. Our stories are our currency of connection with each other; our outward expression of ourselves, which we tell, so that others have a reference point about us, with which to relate.
Our stories also become our reference point for ourselves. Sometimes the reason why our things are as they are…
And sometimes our stories become our excuses.
Our reason why we didn’t do such and such a thing. The reason why such and such occurred…(when maybe we wanted something different?)
When our stories define us, or become our excuses, that’s when they can hold us back. That’s when our stories no longer help explain who we are…they hold us firmly in who we were.
They suck away our energy as we retell our excuses over and over. This is life-force for an excuse – taking your energy and everyone else’s with it.
How to tell the difference?!
I know that I’m making an excuse when it feels like a whinge. When it feels restrictive, and small, and full of limitations… When it gets tiring to hear it; when frankly, I’m bored of my own self-imposed restrictedness! Then I know that I’m attached to an excuse.
But when a story feels honest, light and seated in a frank, grounded openness (even when the details are less than pretty), then I know that I’m telling a story from which I can grow…and not an excuse which will hold me in yesterday.
When there’s an integrity, an energising sense of pride that isn’t simply about keeping up appearances – the all-happy-shiny-smiley yet ultimately selective edicts! – but a pride which connects us to a deep sense of ourselves, then this is a story worth telling.
One which will keep us moving forward within that sound, seated integrity.
What’s our end-game?
Surely we’re all playing a zero-sum game. You know – we arrive with nothing and depart with nothing; energy is neither created nor destroyed, only transformed.
And we see this zero-sum game all around us: material accumulation in our consumer-oriented lives, only leads to deficit in the earth’s resources – there’s a lot of plastic tat floating around the planet (and quite literally), and yet there are gapping big holes in earth’s integrity.
Yet, we’re consumption-hungry creatures, and ‘we’ve’ been ravaging the earth for her riches for millenia. Does it make it right or wrong?
Maybe a better question is – what’s our end game? What are we really aiming to achieve?
And, personally, what’s your end game? Do you have a goal, a thing to focus your energy into, and to squirrel-away energy from elsewhere in order to achieve that?
If your entire existence is about transforming energy – have you decided how you wish to do that?
Do you wish to transform that energy with the most efficiency possible? We get out what we put in, and so if we’re focussed with how we purpose our efforts, surely we’ll get a more-focussed end result (whatever that may be…).
The same goes with our self-chat. If we’re purposeful with how we talk to ourselves (perhaps, with loving, kind, compassion..?), we’ll end up wasting less energy on superfluous, draining lines of discussion! Then, with our reserves in hand, we’ll be more focussed on what it is that we’re aiming to achieve.
I love the ‘credit in the bank’ concept. But for simply for its own purpose, but because the more we fill our own coffers (with positive exercise, real and living nutrition, nourishing sleep etc), the more we have at our disposal, not just for the rainy days, but in order to be spent according to how we wish…for the ventures that we really wish to unfold in our lives.
It doesn’t really matter what our end-game is (although preferably it’s good and honest, and in the best service to others as possible), but the more focused we are with designing our lives to optimally transform our own credit in the bank, the more likely we are to achieve what we’re striving towards.
It’s not about our resources per se, it’s about our resourcefulness.